That smile. You know the one you give when you’re trying your best not to give in? The one that your best friend tends to break by reminding you of something funny. That smile when you give in and break free of your accumulated anger. That smile that makes it hard for you to become angry or upset again. That smile that to you doesn’t feel worth it, but when others see it it makes their world brighter. Its that smile that beaks tension, helps you relax. Its also that same smile that is hard for me to find again. Its that smile that reminds me of my self worth.

Give but don’t allow yourself to be used.

Love but don’t allow yourself to be abused.

Trust but don’t be naive.

Listen but don’t lose your own voice.

Lately I haven’t felt the need to do anything or feel for anything. Lately it’s just like there’s a huge void in me that is telling me not to care about anyone or anything. What do I do about it? How do I overcome this feeling? Lately, I haven’t been feeling myself. I haven’t felt the need or the urge to do things that would normally make me happy. I feel like the world has a weird way of telling me that people hate me, or that I’m not doing things right. Just questioning existence again, but is it normal to?

Baby,

I know we’re still a long way from getting married, but I’m just glad that our relationship and everything between me and you has gotten this far. Through thick and thin, through good and bad, happiness and sad, you know my weak points and you know what makes me strong. You know what words to say and you know what to do in every situation. You’re a blessing in disguise and I would be truly honoured to be able to call you my husband and spend the rest of my life with you. To spend the end of my days with you knowing that we were made for each other. I love you Mark Andrew Gomez, for now and for forever.